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It’s a family gathering and you’re surrounded by relatives, some of whom don’t have a filter. Then you hear it: “You probably shouldn’t be eating that!” or “Look at that belly!” If this sounds like a familiar memory, you either dealt with weight teasing as a kid, or have witnessed it done to a child in your life. This mocking of body weight or shape can have serious repercussions….Coninue reading…
Source: Parenting
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A common form of teasing is verbal bullying or taunting. This behavior is intended to distract, disturb, offend, sadden, anger, bother, irritate, or annoy the recipient. Because it is hurtful, it is different from joking and is generally accompanied by some degree of social rejection. Teasing can also mean “To make fun of; mock playfully” or “to be sarcastic”.
Dacher Keltner uses Penelope Brown’s classic study of the differences between “on-record” and “off-record” communication to illustrate how people must learn to read others’ tone of voice and facial expressions to develop appropriate responses to teasing. A form of teasing often overlooked is educational teasing.
This form is commonly used by parents and caregivers in two Indigenous American communities and Mexican Heritage communities to guide their children toward more prosocial behavior. For example, when a parent teases a child who is throwing a tantrum for a piece of candy, the parent will pretend to give the child the candy, then take it away and ask the child to correct their behavior before giving it back.
In this way, the parent teaches the child the importance of maintaining self-control. When adults educate children through teasing, they are informally teaching the children. This type of learning is often overlooked because it is different from the way Western American Communities teach their children. Another form of teasing is pretending to give the other person something they desire, or giving it very slowly.
This is usually done by arousing curiosity or desire, and may not actually involve the intent to satisfy or disclose. This form of teasing could be called “tantalizing”, after the story of Tantalus. Tantalizing is generally playful among adults, but among children it can be hurtful, such as when one child acquires another’s property and refuses to return it. It is also common in flirting and dating.
For example, a person who is romantically interested in someone might reject an advance the first time to arouse interest and curiosity, and give in the second or third time. Whether teasing is playful, hurtful, or educative is largely a matter of interpretation for the person being teased. If the person being teased feels harmed, then the teasing is hurtful. A difference in power between people may also make the behavior hurtful rather than playful.
Ultimately, if someone perceives themselves as the victim of teasing and experiences it as unpleasant, it is considered hurtful. If parents’ intentions are positive, as in many Indigenous American communities, then teasing within the community can be seen as an educational tool. The child may or may not understand that at the moment. If the other person continues to do it after being asked to stop, then it is a form of bullying or abuse.
Another way to look at teasing is as an honest reflection on differences, expressed in a joking fashion with the goal of “clearing the air”. It can express comfort with the other, which can be comforting. Unlike being nice to someone’s face while making disparaging remarks behind their back, teasing can be a way to express differences directly rather than internalize them.
In some Mexican indigenous American communities, teasing is used in an effective educative way. Teasing is found more useful because it allows the child to feel and understand the relevant effect of their behavior instead of receiving out-of-context feedback. Some parents in Indigenous American communities believe it mildly embarrasses the children in a shared reference to give them a good sense of the consequences of their behavior.
This type of teasing is thought to teach children to be less egocentric, teaches autonomy and responsibility to monitor their own behavior. Parental teasing also is practiced to encourage the child to think of their behavior in a social context. Some Indigenous American mothers have reported that this urges the children to understand how their behavior affects others around them.
From examples in Eisenberg’s article, parents use teasing as a way of reinforcing relationships and participation in group/community activities (prosocial behavior). Parents tease their children to be able to “control the behavior of the child and to have fun with them”.
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