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Thursday, November 30, 2023

How To Forgive Someone Who Hurt You Even When It Feels Impossible

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Whether your partner had an affair, your best friend betrayed you, or a family member mistreated you for years, figuring out how to forgive someone can seem like a herculean task. The most important thing to remember: Forgiving someone is by no means a necessity—especially if the offender is someone who could still pose a threat to your well-being.

But if you find that you are ready to let go and forgive, know that it comes with a slew of health benefits, experts say. When you hold onto grudges, you trap yourself in a cycle of rumination, negative emotions, and stress, says Loren Toussaint, Ph.D., a forgiveness researcher and professor of psychology at Luther College in Decorah, Iowa.

Over time, chronically-heightened levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) can lead to a number of mental and physical health problems, says Everett L. Worthington, Ph.D., professor emeritus in the department of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University. Greater forgiveness, on the other hand, is associated with less stress and, in turn, better mental health, finds a study.....Story continues...

By: Cassie Shortsleeve

Source: How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You—Even When It Feels Impossible

#benefits #emotions #forgiveness #health #hurt #impossible #necessity #partner #physical #psychology #relationships #stress #wellbeing

Critics:

The need to forgive is widely recognized, but people are often at a loss for ways to accomplish it. For example, in a large representative sampling of American people on various religious topics in 1988, the Gallup Organization found that 94% said it was important to forgive, but 85% said they needed some outside help to be able to forgive. However, not even regular prayer was found to be effective.

Akin to forgiveness is mercy, so even if a person is not able to complete the forgiveness process they can still show mercy, especially when so many wrongs are done out of weakness rather than malice. The Gallup poll revealed that the only thing that was effective was "meditative prayer". Forgiveness as a tool has been extensively used in such areas as restorative justice programs, after the abolition of apartheid in the truth and reconciliation process, among victims and perpetrators of Rwandan genocide, in response to the violence in the Israeli–Palestinian conflict and the Northern Ireland conflict.

This has been documented in the film Beyond Right and Wrong: Stories of Justice and Forgiveness (2012). Forgiveness is associated with the theory of emotion because it draws from a person's emotional connection with the situation. Forgiveness is something that most people are taught to understand and practice at a young age. The philosopher Joseph Butler (Fifteen Sermons) defined forgiveness as "overcoming of resentment, the overcoming of moral hatred, as a speech act, and as forbearance".

Forgiveness in marriage is important. When two people can forgive each other this contributes to a happy marriage. Forgiveness can help prevent problems from growing. In a 2005 study, researchers investigated whether forgiveness is important in a marriage. When does forgiveness usually accrue—before an argument or after an argument? Does forgiveness take a role when a person breaks a promise? etc.

Researchers found six components that were related to forgiveness in marriage: satisfaction, ambivalence, conflict, attributions, empathy, and commitment. People in a relationship believe that forgiveness means you must forget what had happened. When couples forgive their spouses they sometimes need help from professionals to overcome their pain that might remain. Researchers described differences between how each individual perceives the situation based on who is in pain and who caused the pain.

The act and effects of forgiveness can vary depending on the relationship status between people. Whether you are married, friends, or acquaintances, the process of forgiving is similar but not completely the same. The researchers also came up with recommendations for practitioners and interventions to help married individuals communicate with each other, to resolve problems, and to forgive each other more easily.

For example, people should explore and understand what forgiveness means before starting any intervention because preconceived ideas of forgiveness can cause problems with couples being open to forgive. For example, a person not forgiving their spouse out of fear that the spouse might think that they are weak can cause a conflict. In 2001, Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet asked people to think about someone who had hurt, wronged, or offended them.

As they thought to answer, she observed their reaction. She observed their blood pressure, heart rate, facial muscle tension, and sweat gland activity. Recalling the grudge increased the candidates’ blood pressure and heart rate, and they sweated more. The rumination was stressful, and unpleasant. When they adopted forgiveness, they showed no more of an anxiety reaction than normal wakefulness produces.

To be unapologetic is to refuse to apologize for or even recognize wrongdoings. "[T]he relationship between apologies and the adjectives 'apologetic' and 'unapologetic' is not quite so straightforward."Choosing to forgive someone or not correlates with whether or not that person is truly sorry for their actions. Forgiving a person who does not seem remorseful for their actions can be difficult, but may loosen the grip the person has over you.

Intrusive thoughts can cause the person who wants to forgive to have feelings of low self-worth, and to endure a traumatic phase due to that person's actions. Going through a negative experience can cause long term trauma. A person may benefit from letting go and accepting what has happened. Letting go does not erase what the person did, but forgiveness can lead to inner-peace from the lack of negative emotion within.

Despite the other person not apologizing sincerely, forgiving them may be the solution to problems and result in loving one's self. Jean Hampton sees the decision to forgive the unrepentant wrongdoer as expressing a commitment "to see a wrongdoer in a new, more favorable light" as one who is not completely rotten or morally dead...

Related contents:

"Articulating an Uncomprimising Forgiveness" (PDF). pp. 1–2. Retrieved 2020-01-18.

North, Joanna (1998). Exploring Forgiveness. University of Wisconsin. pp. 20–21. ISBN 0299157741.

^ Jump up to:^a ^b ^c ^d ^e ^f ^g ^h "American Psychological Association. Forgiveness: A Sampling of Research Results." (PDF). 2006. pp. 5–8. Archived from the original (PDF) on 2011-06-26. Retrieved 2009-02-07.

^ "What Is Forgiveness?". University of California, Berkeley: The Greater Good Science Center. Archived from the original on 2013-11-14.

^ Jump up to:^a ^b Field, Courtney; Zander, Jaimie; Hall, Guy (September 2013). "'Forgiveness is a present to yourself as well': An intrapersonal model of forgiveness in victims of violent crime". International Review of Victimology. 19 (3): 235–247. doi:10.1177/0269758013492752. ISSN 0269-7580. S2CID 145625500.

^ Wade, Nathaniel (14 August 2020). "Forgive and be free". Psyche.

^ "Debt Forgiveness". OECD, Glossary of Statistical Terms. 2001. Archived from the original on 2013-10-31.

"Loan Forgiveness". Glossary, U.S. Department of Education. Archived from the original on 2013-11-13.

^ Hieronymi, P. (2001). "Articulating an uncompromising forgiveness". Philosophy and Phenomenological Research. 62 (3): 529–555. doi:10.1111/j.1933-1592.2001.tb00073.x. S2CID 171007732.

^ Arendt, Hannah (1958). "Irreversibility and the Power to Forgive". The Human Condition.

^ Guillou, Benoît (2014). "Le pardon est-il durable? Une enquête au Rwanda". Paris. Archived from the original on 2016-11-05.

^ Enright, Robert (2001). Forgiveness Is a Choice. American Psychological Association. ISBN 1-55798-757-2.

^ Maltby, J.; Wood, A.M.; Day, L.; Kon, T.W.H.; Colley, A.; Linley, P.A. (2008). "Personality predictors of levels of forgiveness two and a half years after the transgression" (PDF). Journal of Research in Personality. 42 (4): 1088–1094. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2007.12.008. Archived from the original (PDF) on 2009-03-19.

^ "Forgiving (Campaign for Forgiveness Research)". 2006. Archived from the original on 2006-06-15. Retrieved 2006-06-19.

^ Witvilet, C. Van Oyen; Ludwig, T.E.; Vander Lann, K.L. (2001). "Granting Forgiveness or Harboring Grudges: Implications for Emotions, Physiology and Health". Psychological Science. 12 (12): 117–23. doi:10.1111/1467-9280.00320. PMID 11340919. S2CID 473643.

^ Sarinopoulos, S. (2000). "Forgiveness and Physical Health: A Doctoral Dissertation Summary". World of Forgiveness (2): 16–18.

^ Jump up to:^a ^b ^c ^d ^e ^f ^g ^h ⁱ ^j Luskin, Fred (September 2003). Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health & Happiness. HarperOne. p. 7–8. ISBN 978-0062517210.

^ Worthington, Everett. "Everett Worthington - Justice, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation: How Psychology Informs Theology". Youtube. GordonConwell. Retrieved 19 December 2019. (Archived at Ghostarchive and the Wayback Machine)

Romm, Cari (11 January 2017). "Rushing to Forgiveness is not a Binary State". The Cut. Retrieved 19 December 2019.

Hughes, Paul M.; Warmke, Brandon (2017-05-31). "Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy". Emotion Accounts (of what forgiveness is). Retrieved 2020-01-18.

^ Jump up to:^a ^b Stosny, Steven (September 1, 2013). Living & Loving after Betrayal. New Harbinger Publications. p. 227. ISBN 978-1608827527.

^ Jump up to:^a ^b ^c ^d ^e Malcolm, Wanda (Oct 19, 2007). Women's Reflections on the Complexities of Forgiveness. Routledge. pp. 275–291. ISBN 978-0415955058.

Enright, Robert (2017-08-10). "Two Weaknesses of Forgiving: it victimizes and it stops justice". Psychology Today. Retrieved 19 December 2019.

Marsh, Jason (2015-07-29). "Is Vengeance Better For Victims, than Forgiveness?". Greater Good. Retrieved 19 December 2019.

Luskin, Fred; Seago, Laura. "Forgiveness is not what you think it is". Curable Health. Laura Seago. Retrieved 19 December 2019.

North, Joanna (1998). Exploring Forgiveness. University of Wisconsin. p. 17. ISBN 0299157741.

^ Jump up to:^a ^b Zaibert, Loe (2009). "The Paradox of Forgiveness" (PDF). Journal of Moral Philosophy. 6 (3): 365–393. doi:10.1163/174552409X433436. Archived from the original (PDF) on 19 October 2021. Retrieved 19 December 2019.

Seltzer, Leon F. (2015-02-20). "Fake vs. True Forgiveness". Psychology Today. Retrieved 19 December 2019.

Worthington, Everett (February 1, 2001). "Forgiveness is an emotion-focused coping strategy that can reduce health risks and promote health resilience" (PDF). Psychology & Health. 19 (3): 385–405. doi:10.1080/0887044042000196674. S2CID 10052021. Retrieved 19 December 2019.

^ Worthington, Everett L.; Kurusu, Taro A.; Collins, Wanda; Berry, Jack W.; Ripley, Jennifer S.; Baier, Sasha N. (2000). "Forgiving Usually Takes Time: A Lesson Learned by Studying Interventions to Promote Forgiveness". Journal of Psychology and Theology. SAGE Publications. 28 (1): 3–20. doi:10.1177/009164710002800101. ISSN 0091-6471. S2CID 146762070.

^ Bedrick, David (2014-09-25). "6 reasons not to forgive, not yet". Psychology Today. Retrieved 2020-01-18.

^ Escher, Daniel (2013). "How Does Religion Promote Forgiveness? Linking Beliefs, Orientations, and Practices". Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion. 52 (1): 100–119. doi:10.1111/jssr.12012. ISSN 0021-8294. JSTOR 23353893.

12 Frozen Foods You Should Avoid At All Costs

Frozen berries© successo images/Shutterstock

Frozen waffles or pasta are go-to favorites that let you skip the hassle of cooking when you’re on a time crunch. But there's a price for that convenience: the nutritional content in some frozen foods can be lacking, or contain too much sodium or fat. While there are good choices in the frozen food aisle, there are plenty of bad ones, too. These are the frozen foods nutritionists avoid, and the alternatives they recommend instead.

Smoothie base mixes

Smoothies can start your morning on the right foot with an immediate serving (or more) of fruit, but be careful when shopping for base mix in the frozen aisle; some are loaded with added sugars, gums, and flavorings, and don't actually contain fruit. Instead, try hunting down another freezer aisle staple: whole, unsweetened fruits. Add some veggies if you’d like, along with protein powder and milk (dairy or non-dairy), for a healthier start to the day.

Rice

Though frozen rice can be more convenient, it's often more costly than cooking the rice yourself. Save yourself some time and money by cooking a big batch of rice when you’re not in the dinner rush, then pop it into freezer bags so it’s ready when you need it....Story continues...

By : Marissa Laliberte

Source: 12 Frozen Foods You Should Avoid at All Costs

#avoid #choice #content #convenience #cooking #costs #crunch #favorites #foods #frozen #mix #nutrition #protein #rice #shopping #smoothie #sugar #veggie #waffles

Critics:

The process of flash freezing itself generally effectively retain the nutrient content of foodstuff with minor losses of vitamin, making them a cost-effective and nutritious substitute for fresh equivalents. However, pre-seasoned frozen food, such as packaged meals, may have a significant amounts of salt and fats added. It is therefore recommended to read the nutrition label.

Vitamin C: Usually lost in a higher concentration than any other vitamin. A study was performed on peas to determine the cause of vitamin C loss. A vitamin loss of 10% occurred during the blanching phase with the rest of the loss occurring during the cooling and washing stages. The vitamin loss was not actually accredited to the freezing process. Another experiment was performed involving peas and lima beans.

Frozen and canned vegetables were both used in the experiment. The frozen vegetables were stored at −23 °C (−10 °F) and the canned vegetables were stored at room temperature 24 °C (75 °F). After 0, 3, 6, and 12 months of storage, the vegetables were analyzed with and without cooking. O'Hara, the scientist performing the experiment said, "From the view point of the vitamin content of the two vegetables when they were ready for the plate of the consumer, there did not appear to be any marked advantages attributable to method of preservation, frozen storage, processed in a tin, or processed in glass."

Vitamin B₁ (Thiamin): A vitamin loss of 25% is normal. Thiamin is easily soluble in water and is destroyed by heat. Vitamin B₂ (Riboflavin): Not much research has been done to determine how freezing affects Riboflavin levels. Studies that have been performed are inconclusive. One study found an 18% vitamin loss in green vegetables, while another found a 4% loss. It is commonly accepted that the loss of Riboflavin has to do with the preparation for freezing rather than the freezing process itself.

Vitamin A (Carotene): There is little loss of carotene during preparation for freezing and freezing of most vegetables. Much of the vitamin loss is incurred during the extended storage period. Freezing is an effective form of food preservation because the pathogens that cause food spoilage are killed or do not grow very rapidly at reduced temperatures. The process is less effective in food preservation than are thermal techniques, such as boiling, because pathogens are more likely to be able to survive cold temperatures rather than hot temperatures.

One of the problems surrounding the use of freezing as a method of food preservation is the danger that pathogens deactivated (but not killed) by the process will once again become active when the frozen food thaws. Foods may be preserved for several months by freezing. Long-term frozen storage requires a constant temperature of −18 °C (0 °F) or less. To be used, many cooked foods that have been previously frozen require defrosting prior to consumption.

Preferably, some frozen meats should be defrosted prior to cooking to achieve the best outcome: cooked through evenly and of good texture.T he defrost system in freezers helps the equipment to perform properly, without thick layers of ice developing, thus preventing the evaporator coil from absorbing heat and cooling the cabinet. Ideally, most frozen foods should be defrosted in a refrigerator to avoid significant growth of pathogens. However, this can require considerable time.

People sometimes defrost frozen foods at room temperature because of time constraints or ignorance. Such foods should be promptly consumed after cooking or discarded and never be refrozen or refrigerated since pathogens are not killed by the refreezing process. The speed of freezing has a direct impact on the size and the number of ice crystals formed within a food product's cells and extracellular space. Slow freezing leads to fewer but larger ice crystals while fast freezing leads to smaller but more numerous ice crystals.

This difference in ice crystal size can affect the degree of residual enzymatic activity during frozen storage via the process of freeze concentration, which occurs when enzymes and solutes present in a fluid medium are concentrated between ice crystal formations. Increased levels of freeze concentration, mediated by the formation of large ice crystals, can promote enzymatic browning.

Large ice crystals can also puncture the walls of the cells of the food product which will cause a degradation of the texture of the product as well as the loss of its natural juices during thawing. That is why there will be a qualitative difference observed between food products frozen by ventilated mechanical freezing, non-ventilated mechanical freezing or cryogenic freezing with liquid nitrogen.

Related contents: